Songie Nominations: Introduction, Best and Corniest Might-Have-Been Beatles Songs

INTRODUCTION

Here's where I introduce the Songie Awards for Musical Excellence in Music. The complex and intricate nominating process, devised by the American Academy for Songie Award Recognition (hereafter referred to as The AASAR, The Academy, or Me, after its sole, self-ordained member), is as follows: the songs are selected by a panel of AASAR judges (also just me), and YouTube video* of the artist/performance/recording in question, along with a description of said artist/performance/recording outlining the opinion of the ruling Academy members (once again, just me; you get the jist of it). The nominees will be placed in categories determined by a vigorous classification system (my whims) befitting the artist/performance/recording's merits.
Once a Songie nominee is nominated, NO WINNERS WILL BE CHOSEN. Like the Special Olympics or Keith Olbermann's Worst Persons in the World, it is impossible to find a single, definite winner; to be nominated is honor enough. A single honoree in a category does not necessarily imply sole and absolute greatness. It could mean that, rather than being "the absolute greatest," it is "one of the greatest," or at least "really, really, really good." It may also imply laziness on the part of the Academy.
So, without further ado, the Academy's first list of nominees...

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This batch of Songies originates from my own curiosity about songs The Beatles wrote and then gave away to other artists looking to see if that Lennon-McCartney magic might rub off on them. They gave "I Wanna Be Your Man" to the Rolling Stones, "A World Without Love" to Peter and Gordon, "Come And Get It" to Badfinger, and a bunch of other songs to a bunch of other people no one's heard of outside of Britain in the 1960s (as an American born in the 1980s, I'm fascinated by all this - "who the fuck are Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas?"). With this in mind, the Academy has chosen to honor two outstanding performances in this field:


BEST MIGHT-HAVE-BEEN BEATLES SONG:
"SOUR MILK SEA." Written by George Harrison, performed by Jackie Lomax, 1968.

Like Badfinger, Jackie Lomax was one of the star artists on The Beatles' ill-fated Apple Records; he was also the bassist and lead singer for The Undertakers, one of The Beatles' fellow Liverpool-area bands. For his first single on Apple as a solo artist, The Beatles gave him a song George had written in India while studying under the Maharishi. What adds to what is already a great song is that it's this close to being a Beatles recording - not only did George play but he's on guitar (including the second part of the guitar solo), but Paul is on bass and Ringo is on drums. In brief, you have all the instrumental makings, all the quirks and nuances, that makes a Beatles song great. Add to that Eric Clapton on lead guitar between the vocal lines, and session virtuoso Nicky Hopkins on piano, and you have a killer recording.



CORNIEST MIGHT-HAVE-BEEN BEATLES SONG:
"LIKE DREAMERS DO." Written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney, performed by The Applejacks, 1964.

So many of the early-60s Beatles covers I've heard show how instrumentally ahead of the rest of the British music scene The Beatles were. If Lennon's furiously strummed guitar, McCartney's deep, melodic bass, Harrison's country-twinged lead guitar, and Starr's pounding, open hi-hat drums all sound tame by today's standards, then their contemporaries of '63-'64 were complete and utter featherweights. The Stones had barely started out; The Kinks and The Who were still at the gates - no one else could do rock and roll seriously. If The Beatles were Beethoven and The Who were Wagner, everyone else was Montelvani or Muzak. It's hard to find the most sterile, tippy-toed version of a Beatles-penned song out there, but one must admit, The Applejacks' "Like Dreamers Do" takes the cake.
The song is among the first that Lennon/McCartney (actually, McCartney) wrote; The Beatles even recorded a version for their ill-fated Decca Records audition with Pete Best on drums - that turned up on the Anthology CD set in the 1990s. As for The Applejacks: from what those freeloaders on Wikipedia tell me, they were a bunch of scout members who decided to form a band together. A few years afterward, they scored some kind of a low-level hit with this one - after they added a cutesy piano hook and saccharined it up before saccharine even existed.
To listen to the song itself is enough to merit its nomination, but the video here pushes it over the top. Showing the full scope of their rock 'n roll rebellion, these long-haired badasses (actually, only one of them has long hair - and she's a girl) duke out the shit by sitting rigidly still - in sweater vests! - with their instruments cocked about 35 degrees to the right, and with artifically cheery smiles placed unnaturally on their faces! I can't stop laughing when I catch sight of the drummer, who, apart from being the spitting image of Eric "Stumpy" Pepys (Spinal Tap's first drummer, who died in a bizarre gardening accident), was born with an industrial-strength rod up his ass. One YouTube user compared him to Ringo in his overall geekiness, but I dispute that by the fact that Ringo's torso isn't fused to a block of granite.

I shouldn't say any more - just watch and enjoy.




*Video may consist of an album cover or still image slideshow over the sound of music, where actual video may be unavailable.